Now that I am a "mama," as Melia calls me, life has different meaning. Today it hit bigtime, see, it's the 15th anniversary of my mama's passing. My mama was mommy...
I have a large hole in my heart that hasn't existed in a long time. That hole is filled with sadness because Melia will never know my mom. How do you explain to a toddler "Grandma Judi" when she has never seen nor met her? Melia's Uncle Chad will have to tell the same story to his future son- his dad just died.
Death is hard. Parenthood is hard. Explaining both is hard. In life we get to tell the beauty of one's life. Unfortunately it often takes death for us to actually do it.
Through Facebook I have reconnected with so many dear friends from my past; all of these people knew my mom. But most of the people in my life today did not know her. That makes me especially sad.
Melia is in the "boo boo" phase, constantly searching her body for little knicks and scrapes with which to ask mommy or daddy for a kiss to make it better. I am so blessed to have amazing people in my life who would kiss "it" better in a heartbeat- so is she. But nobody can replace a mom.
My mom visited me today. At sunset. We had an amazing sunset. I was walking with two friends this evening and as the sun was setting, one of them pointed out into the bay and said "This is why we live here." Staring out into the brilliant pinks and purples and oranges I thought to myself, "no, that is my mom with her arms reaching out." And she gave me a hug.
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