A few recent pictures - can you spot something new?

Here's a few pictures from the last month or so.

Melia having her own ice cream cone since it was 31 cent scoop day at Baskin Robbins. I don't think she needs any help figuring out how to eat.


Happy Mama Day! We went on a good hike and had a picnic at Inspiration Point in Tilden Park and then had Melia's friend Emma, and Emma's mama and grandpa over for dinner that night. The last picture is the 2 girls feeling happy after having blueberry pudding cake for dessert!

Happy B-day Mama! Krista got her "Obsession" cake from Katrina Rozelle for the 6th year in a row! And of course Melia was all too happy to help her eat some :) Krista is also sporting her new "fresh" hair cut. And of course a picture to remember Abby!

A hot mid-spring day! It was so hot that there was a line to get into the pool near our house where they only let people in as others left, so we had no chance of getting in. So we made our own pool (from a vegetable box) and Melia loved it all the same. Then we setteled down for a little snack :)

Melia has really taken to repeating words that she hears. In this case, Krista calls Melia her "sweet pea" all the time and this is what Melia turned it into!

Jumping jack! What is Melia's new sport? Jumping. Jumping everywhere from everything. The kid is a jumping maniac and has no fear.

Melia absolutely loves her new goggles! I don't think she realizes they are for swimming yet ;)

See anything out of the ordinary?

Yeah - Big Girl Panties and Boots

So Melia got a box in the mail today from a special Auntie Mel. When she got home and opened the box, she found some good loot: rain botos (for stomping in the puddles), new pajamas and ..... big girl panties (because Melia has started asking to go pee-pee in the potty - 5 nights in a row now. Well who knew a kid (who's not even 2 years old yet) could get so excited about big girl panties. Watch the videos below and you'll see what I mean.

Spring is Here!

I'm sorry, but this is just the cutest damned kid there is.

Making friends with bugs and eggs

My daughter, the bug catcher. My daughter, the pink-wearing, rainbow-loving little girl.

This morning, while wearing a pink dress (which she picked out), pink-hooded long sleeve t-shirt, pink capris, and pink Converse, Melia was chasing bugs. Bugs.

My daughter, the tom boy. Like mother like daughter.

Since we will be in So. Cal for Passover + Easter next weekend we decided to decorate Easter Eggs at home on Saturday. Melia had a great time and got good and dirty. After decorating them we hid one and made Melia find it while playing "hot and cold." After she found it she cracked it, shelled it, and ate it...all. And then asked for a second one, which she ate.

Myron is a Genious

Our friend Myron, the uber cool + hip quasi-photographer, stopped by. Oh, and he is a good friend too. While visiting he shot these cools pics. Click on the link for the entire album, but the others here are my favs.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/myronyeung/sets/72157615555565324/

Beer or Wine?

Happy Hour at the Smitty's

Beautiful in Yellow

Costco

You

When showing pictures of Melia to herself, if you say "who is that?" Melia points to herself and says "you."

"That is right! It is you!"

Oh beautiful mama, 15 years have passed

Now that I am a "mama," as Melia calls me, life has different meaning. Today it hit bigtime, see, it's the 15th anniversary of my mama's passing. My mama was mommy...

I have a large hole in my heart that hasn't existed in a long time. That hole is filled with sadness because Melia will never know my mom. How do you explain to a toddler "Grandma Judi" when she has never seen nor met her? Melia's Uncle Chad will have to tell the same story to his future son- his dad just died.

Death is hard. Parenthood is hard. Explaining both is hard. In life we get to tell the beauty of one's life. Unfortunately it often takes death for us to actually do it.

Through Facebook I have reconnected with so many dear friends from my past; all of these people knew my mom. But most of the people in my life today did not know her. That makes me especially sad.

Melia is in the "boo boo" phase, constantly searching her body for little knicks and scrapes with which to ask mommy or daddy for a kiss to make it better. I am so blessed to have amazing people in my life who would kiss "it" better in a heartbeat- so is she. But nobody can replace a mom.

My mom visited me today. At sunset. We had an amazing sunset. I was walking with two friends this evening and as the sun was setting, one of them pointed out into the bay and said "This is why we live here." Staring out into the brilliant pinks and purples and oranges I thought to myself, "no, that is my mom with her arms reaching out." And she gave me a hug.

Am I poopled or what?

I'm a slacker. Let me rephrase that. We are slackers. 2-1/2 months of nothing. Sheer nothingness. But there was something, lots of something! And we didn't report it. We are bad parents. Well, I can't really say that. More like bad bloggers.

What can I say, I am exhausted at the end of the day. I think I am more pooped now than I was when Melia wasn't sleeping through the night. Thus my slackerness. Is that even a word? (See, that just goes to show you how exhausted I am- I am making up words!)

Ok, so Melia is now officially 20 months old. THAT is why I am poopled. (Yes, another made-up word) I also started updating the world about Melia's rants and raves via FaceBook. I luv FB. I can say 'luv' can't I? But I realized that FB doesn't record the memories, it simply posts it as a status update. Well sheesh, it's not like FB will be around forever, thus this blog entry.

So I thought I would give it another shot, this blog. I write in my work blog consistently, so let's see if I can resume it here...










PICTURES
1) Melia and Mommy flew to Boise last weekend with Aunti Mel, Uncle Les, Aunti Beccah, and Uncle Chad for Auntie Amy's baby shower. We also got to visit with Grandma and Papa, as well as Uncle Henry! It was really cold in Boise but we were so happy to be there!

2) This picture was taken tonight. The Oscars were on so Melia had a late bath. This was her hair after being blow-dryed.

3) Sticker fun! Aunti Mel and Uncle Les sent Melia a package for Hanukkah. The best part were the packing peanuts and stickers!

4) Melia LOVES helping mommy cook in the kitchen. Here we are making panini's and skillet corn for dinner.

5) Melia's new favorite game is called "go!" It's basically a piggyback ride through the house.

6) Daddy and Melia created another game called "sleeping bag." This is Melia and Tiger (yes, there is a new one!) "playing" sleeping bag with daddy.

7) Grandma and Papa came out to visit in January. While they were here we went to swim class. Check me out in my cool Speedo from Grammy!

8) Over Christmas we spent 2 weeks in Southern California. Here is a picture of Melia and Reid while we were waiting for breakfast in Malibu.
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ok, you are caught up. :-)

Goodbye, old friend

We lost a member of the family today, a dear friend. Today, around 5pm, we lost Tiger. Yes, the beloved best friend of Melia. The one she wakes up to, cries on, holds over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes, throws at Abby, throws down the stairs and then chases, cuddles with, wears on her head, sleeps with, and can't live without.

Today, while strolling through Union Square on the way back to our car, Melia must have thrown Tiger onto the ground. This has happened before, many times. But in the past, I have always caught it. But tonight, I didn't. I feel like a bad mom for not catching it. I know, I need to cut myself a little slack, afterall, there were hundreds and hundreds people surrounding us, rushing in and out of stores and carrying shopping bags. It was just after I paid for parking and was waiting in line for the valet that I noticed he was gone. Panic struck. Oh no. OH SHIT! I raced back to the elevator, thinking she threw him out in there. Nope. Went to the pay station. Nope. So we retraced our steps 2-1/2 blocks back to Gap, where I last saw him. Nope. I checked gutters, trash cans, stores, the hands of kids, homeless people. Nope.

"Melia, I am so sorry! Tiger is all gone, he went bye bye! I am so sorry sweetie." Melia shrugs her shoulders (she does this when she can't find him) and asks for Tiger. My heart was broken. We made it back to the car, she was looking for him. On the ride home, Melia talked the entire time, but moped. It was awful.

But that Tiger sure did have a good life. He was the most loved little tiger that ever existed. I only hope that wherever he is, he is safe and warm.

Rest in peace, little tiger.

Confessions of a Motherless Mother

There is a defining moment in everyone's life that changes who they are forever. Mine happened late February, 1994. I was spending the night at my then-boyfriend's house when my dad showed up, knocking on the door. It was about 4:30 am. A housemate answered the door, came upstairs and said, "Krista, your dad is here." Huh? I went downstairs, and saw my dad standing in the doorway with tears in his eyes. "She's gone," he said. "She's gone."

The loss of my mother forever changed my life. I knew that her death would define how I was as a mother, but until recently, I didn't know how.

I wasn't the nicest kid. Well, that isn't true. I was a bossy kid. I guess I shouldn't say it like that either. I was assertive. I always knew what I wanted and I went for it. Some might say this is a good thing. But I didn't always use this "talent" in a good way. My family is always telling me stories about how I was so bossy, about how I always wanted my way. Being told this as an adult doesn't really make you feel good.

I am not sure if I appreciated my mother enough. Unfortunately I will never know. I know I made her proud, but did I tell her enough just how amazing and beautiful she was? Did I even feel that way before she died? Because after she died I sure felt it. But it was too late.

After she died my outlook on the world changed. I took things, and continue to take things, day by day. I watch the sunset. I light candles. I like to create peace. I volunteer. I want to make the world a better place. I appreciate the beauty around me. I want family.

I don't know if I did any of this before she died. But if I did, it did it differently.

So why am I saying all of this? I am afraid. I don't know how to teach these life-lesson's to Melia that I learned the hard way. How do I make her appreciate the world around her? How do I get her to not take things for granted? How do I get her to have a love for life? An appreciation for family? How do I teach her these things when I don't have my own mother to tell me how to do it?

Melia is assertive- I am sure you recall me saying in a previous post where Melia's daycare provider said "Melia has managerial qualities to her." That is just great. Like mother like daughter. If my mom were alive she would say "it serves you right." She'd be kidding of course, well, sort of. I don't want Melia to grow up telling people they can or can't play baseball. I want her to be empathetic, to feel joy, to be proud. I want to be a good role model. If I die too early, I want her to remember these lessons, and know that it was because I loved her.

As a family, you can often find us watching the changing colors of the sunset or looking up at the starry sky; we go for lots of walks, sometimes spending an hour just getting to the end of the block; we teach gentleness with the cats; we cook together, looking softly at the textures and colors of food; we light candles and turn on music during dinner; we sing and we dance. I guess this is a start, right?

Krista has an art show!

Once a quarter one of the little shopping districts in El Cerrito turns into an artist's mecca for local artists. We call it the "Stockton Avenue Art Walk." On average 50 - 60 artists display their art work, and there is often live music playing. Wine and hors d'ouvres are flowing, and people are wandering about. I haven't ever shown, nor did I think to. Until now.

For the first time in years, I had an art exhibit. The weather was unseasonably warm and the moon was full. It was a good night to be out. No, I haven't been painting so I didn't have anything new to show. But it felt wonderful getting out there and showing my work.

And it was Melia's first.

Aunti Mel comes for a visit

A few weeks ago Aunti Mel came up for a visit. Although Melia had a good time, I suspect that Aunti Mel had an even better time!

A visit wouldn't be a visit without presents. And boy were there presents! If you remember, Melia had a pair of sparkly red shoes that she wore for Beccah's wedding. She loved those shoes; she felt like a princess. When she grew out of them Aunti Mel promised to buy another. Well...

She received every size from 5-1/2 - 10! I think she is set for awhile.

On Saturday we went to Sausalito to check out the Bay Area Discovery Museum. The weather was a bit gloomy, and at times rainy. But we still had a blast!

(Composing music outside, playing dress up- I wasn't fond of this, playing in the "stream" with Aunti Mel, riding the moon bike with daddy, painting and making a fabulous mess, playing on the lily pads with mommy)